“Lemon-flavored Truffle Filling with Biscotti Bits Added for Intrigue”

seriously

Being a regular Target shopper (I get all my prescriptions there, and far, far too much of my clothing) has had the unexpected effect of making me into a kind of a strange Target chocolate connoisseur. I don’t just mean their house brand, the cutely named and packaged Choxie stuff, but the other stuff they have there—Lindt, Ghirardelli, and the one I haven’t yet gotten around to trying, Green & Black’s.  I really do mean Target-available brands (and Trader Joes, sometimes), though. I’ve never seen the logic in investing in a Theo chocolate bar. I don’t get into the city often enough and I’m told they’re expensive. Feel free to buy me some, though.

It seems like a relatively benign habit, the bars usually last me about a week, and they’re almost always delicious. They’re a day-brightener, especially now that I’m pinch-hitting for a coworker who is out sick for a few weeks. This guy’s job sucks and I can absolutely see how he could have put on the however many hundred pounds he did sitting here. At the risk of sounding self-righteous I’ll say that instead of gorging myself on gallon-sized cup-noodle soups and bags of BBQ potato chips to stave off the depressiveness of this desk job, I eat carrots, hummus, and little bits of dark chocolate. One could maybe say do my own share of gorging.

Last night I bought one almost entirely because of the ridiculousness of its name and description: Choxie’s Dark Chocolate Raspberry Lemon Biscotti Truffle Bar. Really. It takes a special kind of dumb foodie hubris to try to mix that many flavors into a chocolate bar. “Dark chocolate surrounds a sweetly tart raspberry lemon-flavored truffle filling with biscotti bits added for intrigue.” $2.19.

Whatever you say, dudes. It was good. Probably not good enough to buy again, but good. The biscotti bits went a long way and I could actually taste the lemon in it. The dark chocolate wasn’t dark enough and the bar has too many ingredients in it. I can’t take this thing seriously. It has too much sugar in it. Maybe I should avoid things that say “truffle” on them. I ate the thing in two days not because it’s particularly good but because it was there and it didn’t have the weight of a truly impressive dark chocolate bar. It was just one step above most other candy bars and I’m not mourning that it is gone like I would with others.

The Choxie Dark Chocolate Raspberry Lemon Biscotti Truffle Bar straddles the line between good and bad in that I probably won’t buy it again but I do feel bad about not saving any for Beth because I probably won’t buy it again, and she would have enjoyed it about as much as I did.